Braun Strowman is a big ol’ dummy

Some places do power rankings. Here at Cageside, we do a stock report.

In this weekly series, we identify three Superstars (or groups of Superstars) who are on their way up, and three that are moving in the opposite direction. After a busy week that included Survivor Series 2020, the Mysterios & Murphy ganging up on King Corbin, and the vicious murder of Friendship Frog, a lot of fortunes were changed.

With that in mind, let’s see whose stock has increased the most this week:

Stock Up #3: Lana

It can be argued that Lana is the most featured woman on Raw these days. After two months of being driven through tables by Nia Jax, Lana finally got one over on her by becoming the sole survivor for Team Raw at Survivor Series. Then on this week’s (Nov. 23) episode of Raw, Lana and Asuka scored a victory over the women’s tag team champions, which could presumably lead to a title match down the line.

Lana has not been presented as a competent wrestler whatsoever. She lucked her way into being the sole survivor by doing nothing while everyone else eliminated each other, and Asuka had to do all the work in their tag team victory on Raw. But the bottom line is that Lana is getting significant television time on Monday nights, and it doesn’t look like that will end anytime soon.

Stock Up #2: Sasha Banks

Things just keep getting better and better for The Boss. After defeating Bayley for the SmackDown women’s championship last month at Hell in a Cell, Banks has gone on to conquer Bayley in a highly-rated rematch and then out-wrestle Asuka at Survivor Series. Later in the week, Sasha finally managed to get her hands on Carmella. Oh, and she’s also part of Stars Wars lore. There’s no doubt that Sasha Banks is one of the hottest stars in WWE right now.

Stock Up #1: Kevin Owens

Roman Reigns needs an opponent for TLC 2020, and rumors suggested that Daniel Bryan was a leading candidate for that spot. But Kevin Owens stepped up to the plate on this week’s (Nov. 27) episode of SmackDown.

He beat the hell out of Jey Uso with a steel chair and channeled his inner Roddy Piper when he defiantly stated that he has no fear of Roman Reigns. Owens called Roman out and sat at the head of the table as the episode went off the air. That was a hell of an angle right there; it’s the best Owens has looked since ending his feud with Seth Rollins by jumping off the WrestleMania sign. And it only got better on Talking Smack, because Paul Heyman and Kevin Owens have been two of the best talkers in wrestling for years.

Now let’s see whose stock has decreased the most this week:

Stock Down #3: Braun Strowman

Team Raw had an impressive clean sweep victory over Team SmackDown at Survivor Series. As a result, five-time NWA World Heavyweight Champion Adam Pearce decided that one of the team members should be next in line to face Drew McInfart for the WWE championship. Each wrestler made his case for that spot by simply citing the individual pinfall that he contributed to the Survivor Series victory.

Braun Strowman was the last man to speak, so he had the advantage of hearing everyone’s case before him. Instead of following along with the others and pointing out that he pinned Otis at Survivor Series, Braun chose a more violent route. That’s because Strowman is a big ol’ dummy and doesn’t understand the meaning of the phrase “last but not least.” After asking what that phrase meant, he decided to shake and headbutt Pearce, because Braun didn’t think he should have to even explain why he deserves a title shot.

Braun was suspended as a result of his idiocy, and missed out on a chance to challenge for the WWE championship. Considering that Adam Pearce later added Bobby Lashley and Randy Orton to the mix, it’s clear that Braun only had to make the bare minimum argument to remain in the chase for the WWE championship. But Braun couldn’t figure out how to put those simple words together, because that apparently requires more brainpower than The Monster can muster.

There are rumors that this angle was done to cover up an injury that Strowman is dealing with. The rumor mill also indicates there is a chance that Braun is healthy and still in line for the title match at TLC. It’s not clear how this situation will resolve, but one thing that is clear is that Braun came out of this segment looking like the dumbest ass.

Stock Down #2: The Hurt Business

The Hurt Business had a rare off night on Raw. Thanks to a potentially botched finish, the team of Shelton Benjamin & Cedric Alexander wasted two chances to win the Raw tag team titles from the New Day. Later in the episode, things were not looking good for Bobby Lashley in his match against Keith lee, so MVP decided to get his man disqualified rather than risk a more humiliating pinfall defeat.

Stock Down #1: Lars Sullivan

Lars Sullivan was briefly pushed during last month’s WWE draft, including a notable victory over Jeff Hardy. He then took a detour into doing some awkward interviews about freaks and bullies, and he has been missing since the Nov. 6 episode of SmackDown. Maybe he’s shirtless in a dark room somewhere forcing Aleister Black to eat roaches? Your guess is as good as mine.

There you have it, Cagesiders. Whose stock do you think has changed the most this week?

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