SmackDown recap & reactions: Stop the DQ

As soon as I heard “contract signing” this afternoon, I started to cringe. We know how those typically tend to go.

But then, Carmella stole the contract from Adam Pearce’s book and signed it in a room away from the ring. And then she had her assistant of many random things, according to her, deliver the contract to Sasha.

Hey, it was different! And I liked Carmella’s promo, too. She said that she doesn’t pander to internet mouth-breathers. She said this isn’t Tiger King, it’s the Queen’s gambit and she’s four moves ahead. Sasha responded by stamping the contract, kicking her assistant’s ass, and then… making a challenge for the title… tonight. Um… huh.

In their match, Carmella brought the hurt on our champion. Slammed Sasha face first into the top of the post and tried to injure her shoulder. She did a nice submission in the ropes with her leg wrapped around Sasha’s neck.

Shenanigans. Are any of us shocked? The assistant threw a bottle of champagne in the ring so the ref was distracted and pulled Sasha out of the ring while she had a bank statement locked in. They did the chase around the ring spot and Sasha played stupid babyface and Carmella attacked her from behind, but Sasha came back and attacked her and the ref DQ’d her. Why?

I already knew that we were getting a screwy finish because it’s all WWE does now. Seriously. The last few weeks of both Raw and SmackDown have had DQ finishes close the show. What the hell? STOP DQ FINISHES!

There was no need for this match. They made Roman and Owens a secondary thing this week for a surprise pre-TLC championship match with a DQ finish. WHY?

I like being positive for the most part, but this is lazy and stupid. This is never the right way to get someone invested in a pay-per-view match.

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Head of KO’s table

After the recap of last week’s hellacious main event segment, Jey Uso walked up to Roman and Paul Heyman and asked if they were good. Roman said they were and said he should be and then KO’s music hit and he walked out to the ring. Roman gave Jey permission to go confront him.

Owens set up a table, two chairs, and a ladder in the ring. He said even after last week, even though Roman is better than he’s ever been, he doesn’t fear him. Owens said Roman is using his family to fight his battles.

He also said he’s going to need all the help he can get, and he has a few friends – chairs, a table, and a ladder. He climbed up his friend and said he’ll give up everything to become Universal champion again.

And then Jey Uso took one of Owens’ chair friends and attacked him with it, but Owens attacked back and put Jey through the table. Roman came out but Heyman talked him out of walking down and fighting now. “Show him you’re the head of the table. You call the shots.” This was really awesome. I think it’s the first time we’ve seen Heyman sort of go back to his old advocate days.

Owens went and chased him to the back, and then Roman sneak attacked and said so many awesome words. He looked right into the camera and introduced himself to the Owens family. “I’m the guy who puts a roof over your head and food on your table. If you don’t talk some sense into your Daddy, I’m going to be the guy who takes the food off the table.”

Straight savage. What I particularly liked this week, was that they made this feel like a secondary feud this week, so that Sasha and Carmella could have the night. This is honestly the first time anything Roman Reigns has been secondary on this show since he won the title. TLC is going to be so much fun.

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The Rest

Sami Zayn def. Big E – Before the match, Sami Zayn was complaining about not having a shirt, and Big E walked up with his new shirt. Sami liked it, and Kalisto pulled out a shirt which showed a stick figure with a beard and “I Am Sami Zayn” on it. That was pretty funny.

Then we had the match between the two of them. Sami complained about wrist pulling, and was up to his usual tricks. But Big E gave him the apron splash which my goodness that sounds so painful when he does it. Sami took control and gave E a knee to the face. E retaliated with another splash. Sami went for a crossbody and E rolled through for the Big Ending but Sami raked his eyes. He slapped E and then they ran around the ring, the announce table, and under the ring. Sami made it back in at the 9 and won via count out.

Well, that’s interesting. I’ve been a fan of these slick Sami moments, but I don’t know how I feel right now about that being done at Big E’s expense. I did like E’s anger because we all knew Sami’s wrist wasn’t hurting him, but the referees need to be dumb. I actually don’t know how I feel about this yet.

Dolph Ziggler def. Montez Ford – Is it me or does Dolph seem to look more ridiculous as the weeks go by? I swear I don’t remember him wearing these pants. He has an American flag on his crotch! Dolph called Tez and Dawkins the poor man’s Desus and Mero. (HUGE POP for Desus and Mero mention but… okay) Also, I feel like I’ve seen something like this, haven’t you? Like, similar to another WWE show? Maybe just me? Anyway, Tez is such a great wrestler, he even makes simple drop kicks look incredible. After a… quite random blue solo cup shower in the ring, Ziggler hit like 7 or 8 elbows in a row to Tez’s chest. Rest hold city for what felt like forever and then the match picked up, and then we had a distraction win.

So Dolph gets the win, which means we’ll be getting the inevitable tag team championship match between these guys. Whatever. I already knew we were getting this so it was just a matter of time. Gonna predict right now that we get a Dawkins vs. Roode match next week. Keep it right here for all the scoopz, y’all.

Cesaro and Shinsuke Nakamura def. Otis and Chad Gable – They showed a little training montage of Otis (kind of funny considering the news that came out today) and Gable in a gym with Otis blindfolded trying to catch balls. Then Nakamura and Cesaro came up to them and cut a god awful promo. They really need to stop the childish shit like “training for Santa’s workshop” because that is not funny. Just dumb.

Gable put on a fun minute match with Cesaro until a vicious uppercut and Nakamura tagged in. Otis got tagged in and ran through Cesaro. Otis went for the Caterpillar but Gable told him to tag him in. Cesaro swung Gable and Nakamura and they lost. In the back, Gable said that he wasn’t supposed to tag Gable in so Otis failed the test. Okay. Let’s see what happens next week. Wasn’t a huge fan of this.

Riott Squad def. Natalya and Billie Kay – Natalya tagged with Billie Kay for the first time and I didn’t mind this at all. They made this match last week on Talking Smack (I may need to start watching that!). They dominated but then Billie tagged in and ruined it. Liv and Ruby were good but this was too short.

Lone Wolf’s associates – I just need to say HAHAHA to Cutler having a security metal detector wand. Don’t know why that made me laugh so hard. Nothing else mattered.

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It’s been a little while since SmackDown was a general miss, but they did it this week. The DQ finishes, man. It’s really tiring. There needs to be a stop on this. Please.

Grade: C+

What were your thoughts, Cagesiders?

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