Raw recap & reactions: A terrible show
Orton has been called sick, twisted, and deranged. He proved it at TLC.
He reveled in watching the Fiend burn. He could smell the burning flesh still. Orton recalled his murder last night and said all he can hear in his head now are the Fiend’s gasps for air.
He said the Fiend is gone, and then the lights went out, Fiend style and he got out of the ring.
When the lights returned, so did Alexa Bliss! She was in the ring on a swing set in purple lights. The Fiend built it for Alexa. How nice!
She made some burning jokes and then said the Fiend absorbed into the Earth. If he ever returned it would be unlike anything Orton ever saw before.
Then the lights went out again, and when they came back on, we were met with Saxton, Phillips, and Joe, all who had the “what just happened” look on their faces like that was a pre-taped segment that didn’t just happen in front of their eyes.
And that just took me out of the whole segment. What the hell, WWE? I don’t need the stupidity from the announcers. That was a decent segment and you made it look stupid with Saxton and Phillips all “I don’t know how to explain what happened. I.. sigh.. I don’t know…” oh stop it.
They really made Phillips say that they had to continue on with the show, as if what we just saw was worse than DEATH BY LITERAL FIRE JUST LAST NIGHT!
Well, obviously
This… did not need to be a Miz TV segment.
Miz said he failed to become a two time WWE champion, and apologized to his family. He brought out AJ Styles and seemed like he was going to apologize to him. He said he took advantage of an opportunity and AJ interrupted him, saying he was the biggest idiot.
Miz said that he was supposed to go to WrestleMania as champion again and main event.
So Miz decided to offer a role in the new Marine to AJ and Omos, and Miz tried to make it seem like Morrison was the one who cashed in at TLC so he wants his briefcase back. I swear to God if they actually do that… my God. Drew McIntyre interrupted and then it got even more horrible.
Fond of the Nightmare Before TLC garbage segment from last week, Drew decided to come up with a… sequel… called… wait for it! Nightmare After TLC. Sheamus and Keith Lee joined in and then they all brawled. AJ dropkicked Lee into Sheamus, and then started to argue and Drew had to pull them apart.
This was so dumb. So obviously what I said last night about the greatness and logic of pay-per-views carrying into television didn’t come true. I kind of expected it, but not upped with an extra dose of nonsensical.
But if the three of them get on the same page, just imagine the damage they could do together!
Whatever.
For the “Holiday Street Fight” it was no count out and no DQ, yet people were standing on the apron tagging in like this was a standard 6 man tag. That’s very street fight feeling, isn’t it?
This match was laaaame. Here’s what happened. Someone got hit in the head with a present 10 minutes in, Sheamus got put through a table 13 minutes in, a bunch of people had chances to do whatever they wanted since this was no DQ and they didn’t do it. The most egregious may have been AJ fighting with whether or not he wanted to attack Sheamus on the top rope, as if attacking him would lead to a DQ.
Candy cane kendo sticks came out at about 17 minutes. Omos put Morrison through a table. Keith Lee tagged himself in at Sheamus’ expense and hit a Spirit Bomb on Miz to win.
Then Sheamus Brogue Kicked him and we knew that was happening because it was telegraphed throughout the night clearly. Drew was apparently surprised.
This Drew was not, and this Drew was ready to be done with this show so thankfully it was the main event. Sheamus may be turning heel, Keith Lee might forgive and then turn heel, we don’t know yet. What’s for sure is whoever does will obviously be facing Drew at the Royal Rumble.
Stagnant
Charlotte came out and basically said that she accepted a spot as Asuka’s partner because she was getting something out of it. That’s… sweet?
Asuka came out and said no one was ready for her or Charlotte. Blah.
Nia and Shayna interrupted and Nia said that Charlotte sounds robotic and OH MY GOD ANOTHER HOLIDAY STORY and I knew what that meant. Thankfully it got interrupted by Dana and Mandy, who debuted new music!
Aaaand then we got the holiday stupidity which I’d rather not mention, and the Queen commanded a referee to start a match between them. That’s… how that works in this company apparently. The Queen does this on Raw, and the King does this on SmackDown. We can just forget about Adam Pearce then.
The “Sexy Muscle Friends” did double cross body from the apron to the floor. Shayna and Mandy had a couple of spots where one was waiting for the other to do stuff. Though Mandy did have a nice knee strike.
Shayna kicked out of a pin and locked in the Kirifuda Clutch to win.
It was announced that Charlotte and Asuka will be on SmackDown to defend the tag titles for the Christmas show. Well, I didn’t want mine and a lot of people’s suspicions about Charlotte’s positioning in the company to be true, but it’s starting to look like it might. I don’t know. I like her, but it’s hard to fight off that feeling that the Raw women’s division and company’s women’s tag division may have been put on hold just for Charlotte for the last 6 months.
I really don’t want it to be that, but… yeah.
There was a match with the new tag champions and Peyton Royce and Lacey Evans. Lacey and Peyton weren’t on the same page and it cost them the match. There was really no reason to split up the IIconics and I’m still salty about it.
The Rest
VIP Lounge / Hurt Business defeated Hardy Bros – This segment was all over the place, but the best part is right here. Prime Alexander interrupted Shelton Benjamin to say that the titles now have the prestige they deserve by being around the waists of those in the Hurt Business. Gone are the pancakes and the Booty-O’s and here are the custom made suits befitting of champions. Cedric tossed it over to Lashley but I really wanted him to keep speaking. Lashley and Benjamin were looking at each other like “Man this kid’s head grew 10 times the size” and it’s great.
And then there was some stupid 24/7 title stuff and The “Hardy Bros” came out. They finally leaned into Riddle’s weed guy persona and made him cut a god awful promo talking about getting toasted. Like… the shits. Awful. This was literally Matt Riddle reciting a scripted promo. It was painfully obvious. Jeff’s wasn’t any better. Come on, man.
In their match, Jeff and Matt gelled well together. They did a “Bro-etry in motion” but Lashley pushed Jeff off the top rope and he hit the apron and the steel steps going down. MVP hit the Ballin Elbow for a near fall. Cedric tried to distract but Riddle didn’t fall for it. Don’t see that very often. Riddle took out the tag champs and Jeff went for a Twist of Fate but found himself in a Hurt Lock. Decent match and I really don’t know how Jeff’s still able to do this stuff. Liked seeing MVP and lashley pick up the win. Hurt Business is looking dominant!
T-Bar defeated Ricochet – Last week I said I didn’t mind if Ricochet joined RETRIBUTION. I realize how stupid that was of me to say. I apologize to everyone. Cageside’s twitter asked the right question – Is RETRIBUTION still trying to destroy WWE, or are they just regular wrestlers now with weird masks? It appears that since they were officially drafted, they all only care about one thing at a time, and neither of those things are “destroy WWE.” Instead it’s Hurt Business, Dana Brooke, and Ricochet.
Ali and T-Bar say that the fighting with Ricochet doesn’t end until he either joins, or they destroy him. But… no. That’s not how this works. WWE makes the matches every week (or Charlotte and Corbin) and they decide who wrestles who. WWE management has been putting Ricochet in 5-on-1 situations for weeks now. Except that one time Dana Brooke cared. They keep booking the matches. They trot Adam Pearce out every other week to make matches! How stupid do they think we are?
Angel Garza defeated Drew Gulak – This was a quick match and I missed Garza. Gulak dug his knuckles into Garza’s ribs, but Garza switched it around. Wing Clipper and Garza picked up the win.
Jaxson Ryker defeated Gran Metalik – Elias sat on the turnbuckle and started playing his music and singing. Not a bad spot. That’s all that mattered here.
Holy shit, this show really sucked. Nothing on this show was worth live viewing for three hours. What a damn shame. They just hit gold 24 hours ago and could even capitalize on the momentum. Also, hey ratings are bad so let’s do a Legends Night!
Sigh.
Grade: D
What were your thoughts, Cagesiders?
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