The other members of RETRIBUTION need names too

WWE revealed the names of three RETRIBUTION members on Raw, and they’re still hilarious: Mace, T-Bar, and Slapjack.

Yeah, they actually named a guy Slapjack. And he wrestled in the main event of Raw!

This has me wondering about what the names are for all of the remaining members of RETRIBUTION. And I’m not really talking about the more prominent RETRIBUTION members who look an awful lot like Mia Yim and Mercedes Martinez. I’m focused more on the super jobber types who show up when RETRIBUTION needs some extra bodies to be tossed around by Drew McIntyre, Bobby Lashley, and Keith Lee.

Those extra RETRIBUTION members remind me of the endless stream of lackeys who are pummeled in beat ‘em up video games like Final Fight or Streets of Rage. Those video games go through the painstaking detail of actually naming the low level fodder who take those beatings, and I think WWE should do the same with these members of RETRIBUTION.

So if you will indulge me, I’ve come up with a list of 30 more names for RETRIBUTION members that I’m hoping to hear on WWE commentary very soon. My capacity for creative thinking will never match the likes of Slapjack, but I don’t mind giving it my best shot. Here goes:

  1. Spike
  2. Hubcap
  3. Stabz
  4. Shard
  5. F-Jar
  6. Chapstick
  7. Block
  8. Brick
  9. Splode
  10. Crevice
  11. Ninja #11
  12. Drab
  13. V-Room
  14. Nightlight
  15. The Sewer
  16. Bone Skull
  17. Bikerack
  18. Crank
  19. Mojo Rawley
  20. Polk High
  21. Grease
  22. Litter B.
  23. Tupperwarez
  24. HH
  25. FyreBlaze
  26. A-Pac O. Lips
  27. Ram
  28. Cram
  29. Crud
  30. Blowhole

So the next time Drew McIntyre clobbers one of these poor souls with a Claymore, I need WWE to attach a name to it. They’ve done it before when they used to give jobbers for Ryback names like Rutherford P.S. Hayes. Tell me that Bikerack is the guy who was just RKO’d out of nowhere. I need to hear that Shard was split in half with a Spirit Bomb. It’s so much better to know that Chapstick can’t escape the Full Nelson. How can you not tell me that it was Blowhole who was nailed with a 619?

In all seriousness, RETRIBUTION is a struggling gimmick that is probably doomed to fail, and the three member names that WWE handed out on Raw seem to only make things worse for Dominik Dijakovic, Dio Maddin, and Shane Thorne. Do you think there is a way to salvage something of value here, or should WWE just pull the plug on RETRIBUTION as soon as possible?

And make sure to give us your best RETRIBUTION member names in the comments below!

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