Raw recap & reactions: Booking for ratings

WWE does this really not awesome thing where they get you interested in a show, and then completely fail to deliver. We needed to find out a major thing that they left us with last week – did Randy Orton burn Alexa Bliss alive?

Well, we started the show, and it was focused on Hulk Hogan’s phone.

Then we saw a shitty opening promo, which did not address the burning of a human being. And then a match, and THEN they made Randy tell us that he didn’t do it. Alrighty then. Cool.

This was incredibly stupid. Was this supposed to pop the ratings? Is that all they’ll book Raw for these days? Not to, oh I don’t know… book Raw to make legitimate stars that people want to tune in and see?

I know the answer to that already. And we all do, because this show was the embodiment of “pop a rating.”

Let’s talk about the main hits and misses of this show. For a full rundown of Raw, check out the live blog by Rev. Claire Elizabeth!

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Drew McIntyre’s Next

Well then.

Talk about a swerve. I was all ready for the Miz to cash in at the end of this show and we’d have a crappy title run to the Royal Rumble.

Nope!

Instead, Keith Lee and Drew had a really fun match, where Keith did a BIG MAN SPANISH FLY that looked absolutely awesome! Drew gave him a wicked Claymore for the win, and I was waiting for it. Okay here he comes. The legends are on the stage and it’ll work in Vince McMahon’s morbid mind.

…. Goldberg’s music plays.

Ah. Then Goldberg said that Drew doesn’t respect the legends and he’s challenging him for the WWE title at the Royal Rumble.

One – that was total bullshit. Goldberg should’ve been saying that to the guy who was actually going around threatening legends all night long. Two – you know what, fine. Give me Daniel Bryan winning the Royal Rumble now because most likely this means Goldberg isn’t going after Roman anymore. Win win!

Miz will just end up cashing in at the Rumble instead. I can’t wait to keep hearing about it during every Miz TV segment til then! Get ready for a “The Night Before the Royal Rumble” promo.

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Legends Night Shenanigans

Tatanka, Sergeant Slaughter, and Alicia Fox had short encounters with new 24/7 champion Angel Garza. Also… Mickie James was involved so I guess she’s a legend now? I mean yes she is a legend, but not like… Tatanka and Sergeant Slaughter type of legend. Isn’t she on the active roster still?

Big Show was with Riddle who tried to get him to change his name to Big Bro, and then Show sang the start of his theme with Bro instead and actually doesn’t sound too bad. Then Randy tried to get Big Show to get violent, and he didn’t fall for the mind games.

Mark Henry was giving Ricochet a pep talk to deal with RETRIBUTION, and when Ricochet left, Randy came up to him. He said that he has a lot of receipts for all the slams Mark gave him all those years, and he could deliver them now or decide to let Mark scooter on out of there. He was nice enough to only berate Mark as he scooted away.

IRS, Molly Holly, and Ric Flair were hanging out and Randy appeared so IRS and Molly Holly just stepped away. (Hey uh didn’t Randy just burn one of those legend’s kids alive a few weeks back?) Randy said Ric taught him everything he knows and is no longer the dirtiest player in the game.

Angel Garza went up to Torrie Wilson to give her a rose, but as she was in a conversation with Nikki Cross, she pointed down a hallway to a room where apparently Cardi B was waiting and would love a rose. (This actually got WWE tweeting Cardi B and she named dropped WWE in a tweet of her own because people were apparently bombarding her with enough tweets about it. Oh, and she likes Sasha Banks by the way!) Sadly, she wasn’t the B waiting for him. It was the Boogeyman. R-Truth then pinned Angel for the 24/7 Title, and Ron Simmons did his thing.

The legends were fine, but mostly unnecessary. Again, this was mainly to pop a rating. Totally necessary to get all of these people around when there’s a global pandemic.

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The Rest

Riddle defeated Bobby Lashley

Riddle charged at Bobby to start this match and I loved that. He tried to wear him down quick, but Bobby knows how to get back at it. Loved Riddle taking him out of the ring Royal Rumble style, and then Bobby threw him at the post and he twirled in the air. Riddle kept at him with kicks, and Bobby squashed Riddle with a clothesline. So Bobby put him in the Hurt Lock but Riddle pushed himself off the ropes and the referee had to duck. As the referee ducked, Riddle tapped out. Bobby and MVP thought it was over, but the referee didn’t see it so Riddle schoolboyed Bobby and won.

Okay, so, I didn’t really mind that, except like… we live in such a technologically advanced age that I feel like a replay or someone just saying to the referee hey Riddle tapped out there so let’s just restart this or something would play more to modern times. I don’t really like finishes like this but I did really enjoy that match, so I’m not too bothered. In the back, Charly interviewed MVP and Bobby and MVP said Bobby was robbed of a victory to which Bobby said he’d beat Riddle’s punk ass. Ooohhhh angry Bobby. I like.

Looks like we’ll finally see Bobby defend that US Title soon!

Randy Orton defeated Jeff Hardy

They did the ears spot again. Eewwwww. How is that never a DQ? Randy tried the DDT, Jeff responded with an atomic drop and a near fall. Jeff got some momentum and hit Whisper in the Wind for another near fall. Randy countered the Twist of Fate with an RKO for the win. These two men really are legends so it’ll be interesting to see the Legends nights when they’re no longer active.

New Day defeated Miz and Morrison

After going through an H-Phone and dreadful Miz TV segment I thought we weren’t going to be privy to again (but thanks WWE for that Money in the Bank crap) Teddy Long came out and made a tag team match between Hey Hey Ho Ho and New Day. I did laugh at the Undertaker bit, though.

A couple of really nice spots, where Kofi flipped right onto his feet and then sent Morrison a full 360 and a quarter around onto his face. Later, Morrison kicked Kofi right in the face before Kofi was able to get his arm up and ow that must have hurt, but Kofi sold it through the next few minutes. Xavier is such a great hot tag and got the win. Look how can you really get into something like this when you watched the first 8 minutes of the show? Good God.

Peyton Royce and Lacey Evans defeated Charlotte and Asuka

They’re still doing the early stages of a tag team that doesn’t really want to be together between Lacey and Peyton. “Lacey Evans was advancing towards Ric Flair” was something that actually happened as heel announcer Samoa Joe was forced to say “Like many women before her, she might just be smitten with the Nature Boy.” Ugh. The finish of this match was Ric Flair accidentally grabbing Charlotte’s leg instead of Peyton’s and cost Charlotte and Asuka the match. Then Lacey kissed Ric on the cheek. What the hell? Peyton and Lacey are probably being given a tag title match for this.

Lucha House Party defeated The Hurt Business

They continued the ego trip of Cedric’s in this match. As a result, the flippy boys got a victory over them and that’s another Hurt Business upset. (Yes Riddle tapped, but still!) MVP brought them together and said that they need to get on the same page, but Cedric said that he’s on the winning page, and Shelton doesn’t do anything! Oh yes I am very interested to see what comes next.

AJ Styles defeated Elias

Elias did a nice sit out chokeslam, and a flying knee to counter the Phenomenal Forearm. There was pleasantly no interference in this match, and after Styles won, Ryker grabbed Elias’ guitar to do what would normally be done during a match. Omos (now suddenly pronounced like Amas) literally kicked it out of his hands and Jaxson went running scared. Good.

Dana Brooke defeated Shayna Baszler

Shayna Baszler attacked Mandy Rose before their match, so Dana ran out and got in the ring instead. Dana tossed Shayna out, and Shayna went back in and locked in a Kirifuda Clutch but Dana got Shayna on her shoulders for the win. That was pretty interesting, but I’d rather not see Shayna losing matches right after losing the tag titles please. This was a good win for Dana, though.

Grade: C

What were your thoughts, Cagesiders?

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